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Jan. 25th, 2006 @ 12:05 pm College Essay - Criticize Away!
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murrs:
From:ex_rita
Date:January 26th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC)
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“Mercedes’ and Cadillac’s” – no apostrophes needed

Cliches, such as “do not understand the value of a dollar” and “the foundation to a career” are tired and boring and will not make your essay stand out.

I know you’ve heard this before: “Show, Don’t Tell.” For example, you tell us, “I felt my first sense of real achievement.” Here, you not only tell instead of show – you don’t explain why you felt this way. Give us an anecdote, perhaps – something concrete. For example, you could follow that sentence with a semicolon and say, “In the past, when I received money as a birthday gift or from my parents, I’d spend it right away, but after Xeroxing my first paycheck, I drove to the bank and proudly deposited the entire thing into my savings account. (OK...maybe I was the only one who Xeroxed her first paycheck...)