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Jan. 25th, 2006 @ 12:05 pm College Essay - Criticize Away!
My prompt is for Ithaca college:

Please select a topic of personal, local, national, or international interest and explain why it is important to you. Limit your response to 350 words.


Many teenagers at my school arrive in their Mercedes’ and Cadillac’s, gifts given to them just for turning sixteen. On the other hand, I arrive in my 1997 Ford Taurus, which took me the entire summer of my sophomore year to afford. I believe that most teenagers today do not understand the value of a dollar. They spend their parent’s money frivolously and expect everything to be handed to them.
When I first entered Driver Education it was agreed that I would pay for my own car insurance and gas. This made a job mandatory. In the beginning, I didn’t care for the idea. But after receiving my first paycheck, I felt my first sense of real achievement.
As a teenager, I have realized everything that you go through now is to prepare you for adulthood. Having a job has taught me time and money management, but more importantly self support and the feeling of accomplishment that accompanies it. Self-respect and confidence aren’t things that your parents can hand you, and neither is experience. Your first job is truly the foundation to a career.
Having a job creates possibilities for purposeful living, instead of living senselessly. By having a job, I have come to understand material worth and not to take for granted what I have. Having a job not only supplies me with an income, but shapes me into an all around better person and teaches me to set goals and how to handle responsibilities. Teenagers could be taken more seriously and given more respect if they did something to earn it. If more teenagers learn to develop the skills they have now, it can only provide more opportunities for those skills to flourish in their adult lives.
I have worked very hard for many of the things I have, including my car. And while it isn’t exactly what most people would call luxurious, I wouldn’t trade it for a Mercedes in a million years. It’s worth more than that to me because of the hard work it represents.





Thanks for all your help! :)
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murrs:
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From:murrs
Date:January 26th, 2006 06:00 am (UTC)
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Many teenagers at my school arrive in their Mercedeses and Cadillacs; gifts given to them just for turning sixteen. I, on the other hand, arrive in my 1997 Ford Taurus that took me the entire summer of my sophomore year to afford. While there a few teenagers who understand the annoyance of having to ride with friends until they are able to save enough to afford their own vehicle, I feel that most teenagers today do not understand the value of a dollar. They spend their parent’s money frivolously expecting everything to simply be handed to them.
When I first entered Driver's Education, it was agreed that I would pay for my own car insurance and gas. This made a job mandatory. In the beginning, I didn’t care for the idea, but after receiving my first paycheck it wasn’t quite as bad.
It took quite a few paychecks to afford my Taurus, but after saving all of my money, I felt a sense of pride. Having a job has taught me time and money management, and more importantly, self support and the feeling of accomplishment that accompanies it. Those aren’t things that your parents can hand you, and neither is experience.
By having a job, I have come to understand material worth and not to take what I have for granted. It is not only a source of income but an experience that has shaped me into an all around better person and has taught me to set goals and to handle responsibilities. Teenagers could be given more respect if they did something to earn it. If more teenagers learn to develop their skills now, it can only provide more opportunities for those skills to flourish in their adult lives.
I have worked very hard for many of the things I have, not only my car. And while it isn’t exactly what most people would call luxurious, I wouldn’t trade it for a Mercedes in a million years. It’s worth more than that to me because of the hard work it represents.
From:ex_rita
Date:January 26th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC)
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“Mercedes’ and Cadillac’s” – no apostrophes needed

Cliches, such as “do not understand the value of a dollar” and “the foundation to a career” are tired and boring and will not make your essay stand out.

I know you’ve heard this before: “Show, Don’t Tell.” For example, you tell us, “I felt my first sense of real achievement.” Here, you not only tell instead of show – you don’t explain why you felt this way. Give us an anecdote, perhaps – something concrete. For example, you could follow that sentence with a semicolon and say, “In the past, when I received money as a birthday gift or from my parents, I’d spend it right away, but after Xeroxing my first paycheck, I drove to the bank and proudly deposited the entire thing into my savings account. (OK...maybe I was the only one who Xeroxed her first paycheck...)
From:nyrmanwoll
Date:February 17th, 2013 05:15 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
Local girls doing bad things Go Here dld.bz/chwZG